You Know You're TTC When...

1) You saw TTC and immediately knew what it meant.

2) The big “O” now refers to ovulation, rather than orgasm.

3) You wake up in the morning praying for nausea and vomiting.

4) You check your breasts for signs of changes at least five times a day – come on’ huge nips and interstate road map veins!

5) Although still disgusted by it (and even slightly nauseated by it – hey, nausea!), you are more fascinated by your own CM as well as hearing about everyone else’s CM than you ever thought you would be in your entire life (but still….eww.)

6) You spend more time at work Googling early pregnancy symptoms than you do working.

7) You’re excited about having excessive gas, painful bloating and constipation because you read in several places these are signs of early pregnancy.

8) Acid reflux! High five!

9) You are disappointed that you haven’t had to pee very often this morning. But now that you think about it…you have to go now!

10) You know where all the best light is in order to get a good clear unmistakable view of the pregnancy test strip (but you still close one eye and hold it up close and then wait an additional 10 minutes before throwing it away only to dig it out of the trash a few more times just to make sure).

11) You have a variety of words to represent the "F" in BFN.

Big, Big, Big Sigh…

The ept was negative this morning. I guess no real big surprise or issue there. I am thinking that today I could be anywhere between 8dpo and 10 dpo so it could still be too early to tell. This morning I woke up feeling very pre-menstrual. It is not helpful to read that pregnancy symptoms are very much like pre-menstrual symptoms. THEN THEY’RE NOT PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS!!

I have been so tired lately. I know that is also a “pregnancy symptom” but it could also be a side effect from my weight and bloatiness also known as fat and lazy symptoms! OR I just got home from a long trip and I’m tired symptoms!

When I got to work today, my friend and co-worker in the office adjacent to mine told me that she took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was positive… Positive… Positive… I pray that one day soon I’ll give my family and friends that same news.

It is so hard to stay even keel and not get my hopes up too high, while at the same time to keep my thoughts from turning too negative. Josh is so excited and I don’t want to disappoint him. This weekend we are moving furniture and painting the coolest baby room evah! It’s fun to have a project to plan and work on to keep us busy while we wait obsessively (at least I’m being obsessive, Josh is the wise one who is keeping our minds occupied with redecorating) for the good news. It’s going to be wonderful to bring a baby home to this room that we worked so hard on and put so much joy and love into creating. Josh is the master of positive baby thinking…it’s going to be amazing!

Encouraging Word for the Day, courtesy of Proverbs31.org:

Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)

Dear Lord, thank You for your faithfulness and for the loving kindness You've shown me year after year. Please develop in me a heart of joy. I choose to trust You with my life, and to rejoice amidst my circumstances today. Guide me in my decisions today, to Your glory. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

I left my charger in California...

Well I am back after my California adventure, but I am back without my camera battery charger and my camera is dead! I am going crazy without it! Therefore, I'm just posting more pictures from my trip. It’s really nice to see new places and try new things, but I sure do love being at home with Josh. I just do better when we’re together. I love that I have a husband I can’t live without.

Oddly enough, another bodily entity that can’t do without Josh is my left ovary. I was feeling some cramping up until the day I left for Cali (Wednesday), but I didn’t feel a thing for my entire 5 day stay. Then, about two hours into the flight home, probably about the time we crossed over Texas soil, I started feeling some little twinges in my left ovary. By the time Josh got home from work that night, I was really feeling them again. Not so much cramping, but definitely twinges and pressure. I told him they knew he was nearby.

So now that I’m home, and back to normal life, the days of waiting are upon me. I am still five long and evil days away from knowing anything for certain. So to occupy some of my time, I have been logging symptoms, obsessing and Google-ing every itty bitty detail. So much so that sometimes I think perhaps I talk myself into thinking that I do in fact have that symptom. For instance, “metallic taste in mouth” – I had this very taste in my mouth for days only to discover that a filling was gone. Symptom explained! I had symptoms such as: stuffy/runny nose, aches, backache. During this time I was also feeling very nauseas. Turns out, I had a cold and the nausea was from drainage. Four symptoms explained in one shot! One other symptom that I hadn’t been aware of was that a woman’s nipples will darken and/or become bigger, and will be more sensitive. I have never really paid that much attention to my nipples and became very disappointed in myself for not being able to tell whether or not they had changed their appearance. This resulted in my taking frequent trips to the mirror to flash myself and scrutinize every little bit of nipplage color. Turns out they do turn colors after being rubbed and measured thirteen times daily.

To remedy this, I have asked Josh to assist me in the examination . In fact, I have informed him that it is his daily homework assignment. He promised to do a thorough check as often as needed.

The symptoms that I am actually feeling:
1) my nipples are, in fact, sore; they have been sensitive before, but I don’t believe they have ever actually hurt like this, 2) my left ovary is twinging and is actually cramping lightly; from what I’ve read, many Clomid users feel cramping throughout their cycle, 3) I am so tired. I think I could lay my head back on my chair and be out within a few minutes.

I can't stand it so I'm going to take a pregnancy test in the morning.

I'm praying for a positive.

Carrie-Anne’s Guide to Top Drawer Business Traveling

1. When you have a 60 pound booth to set up, do like every other business does and have it shipped ahead of you to the EXACT LOCATION where it is supposed to be assembled. DO NOT have it shipped to the nearest UPS store thinking it would be easier to haul it yourself. Hint: In California, nobody holds the door open for you while you struggle through with your crap.

2. When you go to pick up your rental car, go ahead and pay the additional $5 to get a bigger car. Go ahead and get the $23.50 insurance. They ask you lots of questions really quickly and everything they say seems like the smartest and most sensible thing you ever heard. Just make sure you know that they are talking “per day.” But it’s okay…your company will reimburse you after you get home and explain why you spent an additional $40 a day on a car you’ve driven 18 miles so far. And don’t forget the $10 a day hotel parking fee.

3. Make sure you know what size the refrigerator in your hotel room is before you buy groceries and a 12 pack of beer.

4. Learn this two word phrase, ”Expense it.” This does not, however, apply to a day pass to Disneyland, even though the restaurant you want to eat at, which your company WILL pay for, is inside the park. Hey, a girl has to try!

5. When at a business convention, make sure you bring pens, coffee mugs, candy, something…ANYTHING for people to take. They feign interest in your company until they look down and see you have nothing to offer them other than pricing brochures and a business card. They really don’t care.

6. While at a conference with a big student population in attendance, let them use their big new words like algorithm and hydrological. They know more than you – just ask them. They don’t eat meat and they smoke two packs of cigarettes a day because they love nature.

7. Make GOOD friends with the gal who brought pecan pralines to hand out. BEST friends in fact.

8. Drink all the complimentary coffee you can. It’s the only thing you don’t have to hang on to a receipt for.

9. DO NOT let on to anyone that you are traveling completely by yourself. Otherwise you get asked to dinner by convention attendees and vendors in the booth across from you who don’t care that you are wearing a wedding ring (they certainly don’t care that they’re wearing theirs).

10. It is not advisable that you drink the huge glass of complimentary wine after a very long, busy and emotionally trying day when the only things you have eaten are thin "fancy" crackers and cheese that smells like ass. Well, on second thought, maybe that’s the perfect time for a free drink!

Ovaries on the Ceiling...

Right now I am sitting in my exhibition booth in the Anaheim Marriott ballroom at the SPE Regional Conference. It is beautiful here! I’m including some pictures of the gardens and flowers I’ve seen around the hotels and convention center. My gardening self is in heaven!

I have never seen so many birds of paradise! I may have to try growing them at home. I just don’t know how much they would like Northeast Texas.

I am also completely surrounded by men at this conference. Which, being a female engineer, is not uncommon. I find it amusing, though, to watch these men as they meet up in the hotel lobbies and cocktail lounges, and sit around showing each other how big their penises are. I’m speaking metaphorically, of course, but really, why else do they have open urinals?

I think I’ve talked to Josh about 7 times today. It was very lonely waking up this morning alone rather than with Josh and anywhere from 2 to 4 animals on the bed with us. I even positioned some of the pillows so that my feet had no room to move - just like home!

The lights above my head in the Exhibit Hall remind me of my ovaries. Hey, could that be a fertilized egg I see?

Working Ovary Time

I have never been so in tune with my body. Prior to May 16th I had no idea that it was possible to “feel” my ovaries. I have felt them swell, ache, cramp, respond to hormones and I’m pretty sure that yesterday afternoon my left ovary was piping Barry White through my fallopian tubes.

And so it has been - Josh and I at the mercy of my reproductive system. Tomorrow morning I leave for my business trip and won’t be back until Sunday afternoon (4 nights away). By all the extensive calculating I’ve been doing, and banking on Clomid giving my ovaries a metaphorical swift kick in the pants, I should be ovulating as I type. I don’t know if ovarian cramping is any indication that ovulation is about to take place, but I have definitely been feeling some pressure from the gal on the left for the past few days. I’m banking on the fact that she’s my over achiever.

I must say that I have absolutely loved the past five days with Josh. We were just talking at lunch today about how much fun it is to plan our rendezvous, especially during my lunch hour (which the past few work days has been more like 2 hours). It’s like we have our own little secret – our own special world together where we just enjoy each other. Then we both go on about our days with a mischievous little smirk, a little less stressed for the rest of the day.

Meet Gerbie, the Garden Monster...

This is my Garden Monster, Gerbie. He’s in charge of keeping the cats from peeing on my ferns.

Well, in between work and all the baby making, Josh and I worked in the yard yesterday and gave our three dogs baths. I still have a hydrangea bush, a rose bush and three plants to get in the ground, but I’m getting closer to having an awesome front yard. I had a nice little gardening surprise yesterday...it looks like we’re going to have pumpkins! I can’t wait to watch them grow!

Things have been so busy lately…which is a blessing for my brain. The more I have to do, the less time I spend sitting around giving pep talks to my ovaries.

Josh and I are staying positive. We are enjoying planning our rendezvous. I am taking a business trip to Anaheim this week and will be gone from Wednesday morning until Sunday afternoon. Dr. S gave us a 10 day ovulation window and my trip will cut into a couple of those days, but my peak ovulation is, fortunately, the days just before I leave. Josh works the 3-11pm shift so lunchtime will fast become an exciting time for us, and will undoubtedly relieve the afternoon stress at work!

My advice - plan some afternoon delights with your man!

Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. —Ecclesiastes 9:9