Round one complete…

Well I have just taken my fifth and final pill on my first round of Clomid. *deep breath, let it out slow*

I’ve read so many stories of women with first round success stories or third round success stories, but also very sad and painful stories. I’ve read about women, like myself, who have thought they have been pregnant, shown all the early symptoms and let the excitement creep in, only to feel disappointment when they started their next cycle.

Every one of these women with stories of false positives and disappointments have said, ”Maybe next month,” or “We’ll try another round and maybe then my body will be ready.” These women are so brave and so determined NOT to let their hopes falter. These women, like me, want to experience the rawest, purest form of being a woman pregnant with a child – to feel our bodies swelling and changing and growing new life within us. Is it possible to ‘will’ yourself to be pregnant? If it were, I have no doubt there would be a lot more happy new mommies out there!

I am pretty bad about worrying. I think about things and I rethink them and then I reenact scenarios and look at all possible ways to and from and around the thing that I am worrying about. I am learning to take a proactive approach in every worrying instance in order to face more circumstances head on. And I’ve also learned that I don’t need to be involved in everything in order to feel like I’m doing something. Taking a step back from filling up my schedule outside of work with personal commitments has really helped me get my life back into perspective and I get so much more enjoyment out of my daily life than ever before.

"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:27 (NIV)

I pray that God continues to work in my life and in Josh’s life. I pray for the strength to persevere no matter the outcome. My faith and my trust are in God. Guide me in the direction of Your will.